Archive for Self-Development

Jogging on the Snowy Mountain

A Wish and a Challenge for 2022

Posted by Chris Cook on
 December 14, 2021
  ·  No Comments

Let’s begin with a wish—a prayer—a hope—that I recently learned from my friend Christine, who is teaching in a small village in Zimbabwe, Africa—Kufunda. She says they begin with this verse each day:

May wisdom shine through me.
May love glow within me.
May strength penetrate me
That in me may arise
A helper of humankind,
A servant of sacred things
Selfless and true.
—Rudolf Steiner

I am so proud of my friend and love getting updates from her. I am especially grateful to have learned this beautiful wish with which to begin each day.

Positivity in the world begins with each of us.

The power of affirmations—in your personal life, in business, and athletics—means what you think is what you become. We have complete control over our own narratives. How we think and feel dictates our state of well-being. Looking to enhance your well-being in 2022? It’s time to master the power of positive self-talk. And Capiche has an exercise to help you do just that!

The purpose of this activity is to turn your self-talk from destructive to constructive. Many of us are flat-out cruel to ourselves with our self-talk. It’s time to break that narrative.

Let’s say you want to improve your performance in a sport you love to play. Time to reframe your inner dialogue. It’s easy. Grab a piece of paper and create two columns. In the first column goes a positive statement about yourself. In the second column, add something you have accomplished (at some time, not necessarily that day). Just complete one row each day; by the end of a month, you’ll have 30 rows of positive statements and accomplishments completed!

Let me share an example. One of my clients wants to improve his self-talk to enhance his pickleball performance. In his first column, he could say, “I am coachable,” and the accomplishment might be, “I passed my 3.5 rating test.” That’s enough for one day! He’ll add one more row each day over the next month.

It takes less than a minute a day. Given that there are 1,440 minutes in a day, you should be able to find just one to complete this activity. I promise that at the end of the 30-day period, you’ll have experienced a huge boost in confidence and performance. Practicing positive self-talk will allow you to quit tearing yourself down and instead build yourself up.

Dan DeNose

Dan DeNose – “You are what you think”

Funny—as I write this, I just happen to be wearing a hoodie that says, “You are what you think.” I purchased it from a dear family friend, Dan DeNose. Now, he’s a guy who embodies this message, and I invite you to check him out for some extra positive vibes!

Wishing you a happy, healthy, and positive new year!

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Sky-Diving Couple

What Would You Do If You Couldn’t Fail?

Posted by Chris Cook on
 September 16, 2019
  ·  2 Comments

In October 2011, I posted one of my first blogs on my then-new website. Countless posts later, I am often reminded of these questions posed by Dr. Robert H. Schuller.

So I ask you these three simple questions:

  1. If you knew you could not fail and those around you would wholeheartedly support you, what would you do?
  2. Are you doing it?
  3. If not, then why?

Oh, and one final question …

If your reason for not doing something is that you’re afraid of failing or being judged … how much worse would that be than never having tried?

And remember: it’s better to do something imperfectly than to do nothing perfectly.
It’s better to do something imperfectly than to do nothing perfectly. Click To Tweet (If this kind of questioning feels helpful, perhaps it’s time for you to start working with a coach. I have two openings for coaching clients at this time, so give me a call at 541.601.0114 or email me and let’s start a conversation.)

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Woman Relaxing and Playing in a Rain Shower

Eureka! Why Relaxation May Be the Key to Optimal Performance, Creativity, and Flow

Posted by Melissa Michaels on
 June 16, 2019
  ·  No Comments

There’s a reason Eureka moments tend to strike in the shower—or in the case of Archimedes, the bath. Performing mindless activities gives our brain an opportunity to relax, kicking the prefrontal cortex (a.k.a. the brain’s command center) into autopilot mode. That daydreamy state is when creativity emerges.

In this Business Insider article on why 72% of people get their best ideas in the shower, Psychologist Scott Barry Kaufman explains, “The relaxing, solitary, and non-judgmental shower environment may afford creative thinking by allowing the mind to wander freely and causing people to be more open to their inner stream of consciousness and daydreams.”

Whether we’re scrubbing dishes or practicing meditation, letting our brain idle increases alpha brain wave activity, known to boost creativity and reduce depression.

How does this translate to the workplace? No, we’re not saying you should install showers or offer transcendental meditation classes (although that may not be such a bad idea). Rather, you may wish to cultivate an organizational culture that encourages play, humor, quiet, and relaxation—all ingredients to heightened productivity and creative flow, most famously studied by Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi.

No number of hacky sacks and hammocks will counteract the toxic miasma of a stressful, high-anxiety workplace, however, and that cortisol-spiking atmosphere often starts at the top.

If an organization’s leaders exhibit stress, fear, rigidity, and panic under pressure, those emotions quickly spread to the employees.

How many times have you entered a meeting in a good mood only to leave feeling anxious and tense? This article by Psychologist Daniel Goleman discusses a study that revealed the contagious nature of moods in work groups and calls on leaders to practice the emotional intelligence necessary to prevent their own stress from infecting the group.

It’s no surprise that people want calm, assertive leaders as this Psychology Today piece explains. If you are wheeled into the hospital for emergency surgery, do you want the head surgeon to fly into hysterics, or do you want her to calmly assess the situation, lay out a clear plan of action, and set to work?

How people respond to crises reveals a lot about them, and demonstrating resilience, resourcefulness, and ingenuity in the face of obstacles instills employees with confidence and trust in their leadership.

That’s one reason this Harvard Business Review article encourages first-time leaders to relax. Employees sense insecurity and anxiety in their leaders, and that lack of confidence derails productivity.

As the Tao Te Ching states:

“When your body is not aligned,
The inner power will not come.
When you are not tranquil within,
Your mind will not be well ordered.
Align your body, assist the inner power,
Then it will gradually come on its own.”

If you want your employees to achieve the optimal performance, relaxed alertness, and creativity possible in a serene, inspiring environment, you need to cultivate your own inner balance, emotional intelligence, and mental well-being.

To get expert guidance from an empathetic yet challenging co-active coach, contact Chris Cook about her leadership coaching services. If your organizational culture could use an injection of positivity and transformative authenticity, Capiche can help with that, too.

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Developing Self-Awareness

To Be Aware, Start from the Inside

Posted by Chris Cook on
 April 17, 2019
  ·  No Comments

Once again, I’m working with a group of motivated professionals who all have good jobs—careers even—but no college degree. They’re enrolled in a degree-completion program at Southern Oregon University called Innovation and Leadership. They’re taking my class Working with Emotional Intelligence and are all making strides toward increasing their own EI. It’s amazing how simple it is if you focus on it!

This blog post shares their first assigned Exploration toward developing EI.* It all begins with self-awareness. As you read through the Exploration, consider how you relate to the content and what you can do to increase your own EI.

Exploration #1

Are you aware of how you feel—and how you respond to those feelings? We can go through our day on automatic pilot, which works for tasks that don’t require much thought like brushing our teeth or taking a shower. There are times, however, when being mindless about situations causes us to react instead of respond in a proactive manner. If we get an email or call from someone that angers us, do we stop to think about the emotion, where it came from, and how to respond in a way that results in beneficial outcomes? Or do we unconsciously react in a manner that undermines or sabotages relationships with self or others?

When we are aware of how we are feeling inside, we are more likely to consciously choose a response instead of reacting without considering  the results of our actions. Try to take some time to become aware of how you feel in different situations and why. Recognize your emotions and the effects of those emotions.

Here are some questions to ask yourself:

  • What am I feeling right now?
  • What has caused me to feel this way?
  • What are the thoughts that follow that emotion?
  • How does that thought align or not align with my values?
  • Have I experienced this before?
  • What could I change to bring these thoughts into closer alignment with my values?

You may want to target a problem situation and increase your awareness about the emotions, thoughts, and reactions regarding the problem. You do not have to do anything different during this time—simply be aware of how you are feeling, what is causing those feelings, and how they correspond with your core values. Remember, this exploration focuses on self-awareness; you do not have to fix anything. Simply be aware, starting from the inside.

Consider your experiences, what you learned, and what did or did not work for you. You may even want to journal about this topic.

Want to Boost Your EI?

If you’re interested in learning more about emotional intelligence, let’s talk. I help both individuals and teams increase their individual and collective EI.

*Adapted from Dr. Jennifer Joss’ “Living With” EI exercises.
WHY BOTHER WITH EI?

What will get you $29,000 more per year, make you 58% more effective at your job, and rank you with 90% of top performers? Greater emotional intelligence.

Unless you want to be among the 80% of low-EQ employees classed as “bottom performers,” it’s time to discover how you can accelerate your career and become a better leader by developing your emotional intelligence.

Studies show those with average IQs outshine their highest-IQ counterparts 70% of the time because of their EQ.

Whereas IQ and personality are static elements of your makeup, you can always increase your emotional intelligence (thanks to the wonders of neuroplasticity)—and doing so will make a surprising difference in both your life and work.

What Is Emotional Intelligence?

In a recent Forbes article, bestselling coauthor of Emotional Intelligence 2.0 and cofounder of Talent Smart Travis Bradberry describes the two primary competencies and four core skills that make up emotional intelligence.

Personal Competence

This first competency comprises self-awareness (observation) and self-management (actions). Your observation skills, sensitivity, and ability to control your emotions come into play here. How conscious are you of your emotions, and how accurate are your self-perceptions? Do you practice mindfulness to remain aware of your emotions, and are you able to take a step back and regulate them when needed? How malleable are you, and can you transform a negative emotion into a positive action?

Social Competence

This competency focuses on social awareness (observation) and relationship management (actions), mapping the reflection and regulation required for personal competence to social situations and relationships. How well do you understand the motives, actions, and moods of those around you? Do you intuitively sense people’s emotions and accurately perceive their intentions? Can you use these perceptions to navigate relationships and communicate successfully?

This section is excerpted from our previous blog post Want to Accelerate Your Career? The Magic Formula = EI + Coaching. See original article for more details.
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Toxic Workplace with Team Conflict

Got Toxins? Get Good at Conflict.

Posted by Chris Cook on
 March 12, 2019
  ·  2 Comments

Isn’t it invigorating when things are clicking along at your company—when your team is all on the same page and working together to get important work done?

Or are you reading this saying, “I wish it was like that!”

If it’s not like that, what’s going on? Is performance tanking? Is communication falling apart? Is turnover high? Is absenteeism skyrocketing?

If you’re nodding your head, then here’s a question: What “team toxins” are causing conflict—and how are you handling them?

You know every organization (every relationship for that matter) experiences conflict. But did you know there’s such a thing as good conflict? Yep. When there’s constructive conflict, your team develops greater trust and becomes stronger.

However, when team toxins creep into day-to-day operations and conflict is not handled well, your team begins a downward spiral that may be impossible to arrest.

According to positive psychologist John Gottman (The Relationship Cure), these team toxins are criticism, defensiveness, stonewalling, and contempt. Gottman refers to these toxins as the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse. It’s vital that your team understands these toxins and strives to keep them at bay. Letting them creep into your organization is the quickest way to undermine performance.

Take a close look at these toxins, learn how to recognize them, and review the “antidotes” so you can handle conflict successfully through positive communication.

1) Personal Criticism

Aggressive attack, bullying, chronic blaming, domination

Learn to understand the difference between complaining and criticizing—and turn the complaint into a request when possible.

Criticism: “You’re always late! You never think about anyone but yourself!”

Complaint: “When you are late, it throws the entire team off schedule.”

Request: “When you are late, I have to reschedule the entire team. Please let us know if something unexpected comes up that will detain you.”

Also, remember that criticizing the person is hurtful. Your intention is most likely to criticize the idea or action, not the person. The antidote? Talk about your feelings using “I” statements and express a positive need.

2) Defensiveness

Deflection, unopen to influence

When we feel unjustly accused, our natural response is to look for excuses to justify our actions.

Question: “Did you let production know that our prototype is not going to be ready as we promised?”

Defensive response: “You know how busy I am. Why didn’t you just do it?”

Better response: “Wow, I was so busy today, I forgot. I apologize. Let me call them now and let them know.”

The best antidote is to accept your teammate’s perspective, take responsibility, and offer an apology for any wrongdoing.

3) Stonewalling

Disengagement, passivity, yes men, avoidance, unopen to influence

This usually happens as a response to chronic contempt. The listener shuts down and simply stops responding—or they resort to other behavior such as turning away or tuning out.

It takes time for most people to reach the stage of stonewalling/shutting down; the best antidote is to take a break and spend time doing something soothing before regrouping and openly discussing the situation.

4) Contempt

Demeaning, disrespect, undermining, hostile

This may be the most destructive horseman. Contempt goes far beyond criticism, attacks the person’s moral character, and insinuates superiority over them. It’s destructive both mentally and physically. Research shows that people in contemptuous relationships are more likely to suffer from an infectious illness like the flu or a cold! In a marriage, it is the single greatest predictor of divorce. It must be eliminated in all relationships—personal and professional. As an antidote, remind yourself of the person’s positive qualities and build a culture of appreciation.

Now that you know what the Four Horsemen are and how to counteract them with proven antidotes, you’ve got the essential tools to create constructive conflict, develop more organizational trust, and create a more positive work environment. As soon as you see criticism or contempt galloping in, remember their antidotes. Be vigilant. The more you can keep the Four Horsemen at bay, the more likely you are to have a positive and productive workplace.

If you’re looking to create a more positive culture in your work environment, call 541.601.0114 or email Chris for an initial conversation. Let’s tap into your organization’s positivity and unleash its potential.

An enthusiastic shout-out to Faith Fuller and Marita Frijhon, CRR Global, for introducing me to this concept as part of Organizational & Relationship Systems Coach Training.
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Professional Networking Infographic

Reflections on 2018 and Looking Ahead—It’s All About Relationships

Posted by Chris Cook on
 December 13, 2018
  ·  No Comments

This time of year, “best of” lists are abundant—from movies to cookbooks to comics and more. One of my annual favorites is from NPR’s All Songs Considered. I’ve been a fan for years and always enjoy comparing my picks with theirs.

This year, give yourself the gift of reflecting on your “best of” and appreciating all that’s good in your life. As I was writing this, it became crystal clear that the things that made 2018 so good weren’t things at all. They were people and the relationships that made my life feel full and rich.

As you reflect, ask yourself:

  • Which people in my life contributed to my happiness and success in 2018?
  • Whom do I wish I had seen more of?
  • Which partnerships were most fruitful?
  • What am I most proud of—and who helped me along the way?
  • What are my big learnings from this past year?
  • What and whom am I grateful for and appreciating?
  • What is there for me to acknowledge about myself in 2018?

Overall, what do you see as you reflect on 2018? How would you rate this year on a scale of 1–10, and what would have made it a 10 out of 10?

Now, let’s look ahead.

  • What excites you about the coming year?
  • What are your key goals and objectives for 2019? Who will help you achieve them?
  • Where and how do you want to stretch yourself in 2019?
  • Which people in your life will help you make 2019 a 10 out of 10 year—both personally and professionally?

Is there a possible theme for the year that could serve as a structure and anchor to lock in a resonant 2019? A song? Movie? Perhaps a book, a poem—or even a person. Let me know, and happy new year!

Thanks to my former coach Lorry Schneider and dear friends Faith Fuller and Marita Fridjhon for the inspiration for this post.
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Complaining at Work

Lots to Complain About at Work? Here’s a Better Tactic

Posted by Chris Cook on
 August 14, 2018
  ·  No Comments

Have you ever had a moment of realization that all you’ve been doing lately is complaining? It can happen to the best of us. With blatant disregard for schedules, increasing incivility as the norm, and an ever-multiplying pile of work on our plates, it’s no surprise. Seems there’s plenty to complain about.

So how are your complaints received? In most cases, I’m guessing your answer is “not so well.”

Here’s another idea. See if you can find a request in your complaint—and get curious. Instead of complaining about Amber’s perpetual tardiness and Jason’s curt tone in meetings, try these two tactics.

  1. Find the request in your complaint. Decide what would make the situation better and ask for it. Make the request. This is the most straightforward and emotionally intelligent tactic. And you’ll be surprised how effective it is! (e.g., Instead of complaining to whomever will listen that Amber is always late, you say directly, “Amber, your tardiness upsets the team’s workflow. Would you please be more conscientious about our starting time?” She replies, “Oh, I apologize. Sometimes I get so caught up in my kids’ last-minute needs, I forget that you are counting on me to …”)
  2. Get curious. See what you can uncover about the offender. You may find legitimate circumstances contributing to the offensive behavior. And you may find you have more in common than you ever imagined. While that doesn’t excuse the behavior, it can help you develop a better relationship so you can talk reasonably about the behavior and make the request described in Tactic #1. These relationships create long-term benefits when you have ongoing collaborations.

What’s so bad about complaining? Plenty. It derails progress, creates negativity, and amplifies the annoyance and destructive feelings already present. It improves nothing.

You may be surprised how pervasive complaining is in our culture. When legendary Executive Coach Marshall Goldsmith interviewed more than 200 of his clients, he discovered something that matched previous research he had read but still found hard to believe: “a majority of employees spend 10 or more hours per month complaining—or listening to others complain. Even more amazing, almost a third spend 20 hours or more per month doing so.”

Just think what could be possible if that time was shifted to actively asking for what you need and building relationships. A lot more positivity and progress would be possible—and isn’t that what we strive for?

If you’re looking to create a more positive culture in your work environment, call 541.601.0114 or email Chris for an initial conversation. Let’s tap into your organization’s positivity and unleash its potential.

Inspired by The Next Time You Want to Complain at Work, Do This Instead, by Peter Bregman
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Two Girls Experiencing Empathy While Online

Empathy in the Digital Era

Posted by Melissa Michaels on
 March 14, 2018
  ·  No Comments

Think the internet is deepening our perceived social isolation, increasing envy and amplifying feelings of disconnection?

Well, yeah, maybe—especially if you spend most of your time on social media—according to this 2017 study published in the American Journal of Preventive Medicine. And given the growing body of research on the higher rates of morbidity and disease associated with social isolation, we ignore these reports to our own peril.

But the internet also has the capacity to connect kindred spirits across the oceans, create community and cultivate empathy. You just need to know where to look.

What Is Empathy?

Surprisingly, many of us aren’t clear on what empathy really is. I love Brené Brown’s simple explanation:

As Brown states, “empathy fuels connection; sympathy drives disconnection.” She outlines the four qualities of empathy nursing scholar Theresa Wiseman discovered in her research:

  1. perspective-taking
  2. avoiding judgment
  3. recognizing emotion in others
  4. communicating that emotion

Teaching Digital Empathy

One textbook, Developing Digital Empathy, provides tools for teaching digital empathy, which author Yonty Friesem says involves:

  1. empathy accuracy: the ability to assess another’s internal state;
  2. self-empathy: possessing a sense of identity and agency;
  3. cognitive empathy: recognizing, understanding and predicting others’ thoughts and emotions;
  4. affective empathy: feeling what others feel;
  5. imaginative empathy: role-playing; and
  6. empathic concern: being compassionate toward others.

The article Developing Empathy in the Digital Age further explores how educators can strengthen students’ empathy. Arguing that technology cannot create the conditions (e.g., eye contact, conversation, vulnerability) required to develop such skills, Matthew S. Howell thinks reducing time spent on screens is a step toward reclaiming our humanity. With the average person staring at a screen for 10.5 hours a day—and research indicating digital stimulation can cause damage to the part of the brain (insula) related to developing empathy—instituting practices like Screen-Free Fridays at schools can help students rediscover face-to-face connections. How could you carry this over to your workplace?

Counteracting Negativity with Positivity

This GoodThink article on spreading positivity online suggests we can counteract the destructive patterns of cyberbullying and negativity through such simple acts as watching videos by and positively rating valuable content. When we reward the creators of constructive content instead of getting sucked into gossipy, cruel feedback loops, we are magnifying the impact of those positive messages and diminishing that of the negative ones.

In “Empathy and Vulnerability in the Digital Age,” Richard Raber writes eloquently about the power of the internet to simultaneously propagate voyeurism and identification, judgmentalism and understanding, pity and empathy—suggesting we can harness technology to support “meaningful action and empathic construction … if we can find ways of binding together our fractured sense of self and community instead of allowing social media and the internet to splinter us.”

Digital Tools for Strengthening Empathy

So how can we foster community, deepen our sense of connection and stimulate empathy in this digital age? By storytelling, witnessing, listening.

Here are eight tools to help with that journey:

  1. The Moth: Listen to ordinary individuals share funny, educational and poignant stories like this one that will influence the way you see others and stay with you for years.
  2. Storycorps: Watch animations of audio recordings by people sharing pivotal moments in their lives like how this man reacted to being robbed at knifepoint.
  3. School of Life: Explore fascinating topics such as philosophy, love, psychotherapy, political theory and emotional intelligence through aesthetically compelling, thoughtful videos like The Meaning of Life – in 60 Seconds.
  4. SoulPancake: This more lighthearted channel approaches topics ranging from dating to biases to forgiveness to kitten therapy with humor and compassion.
  5. Cut: Along the same lines as SoulPancake, this channel deals with the humorous to the profound, like this video of parents explaining suicide to their children.
  6. Humans of New York: View photos and learn the moving stories of individuals living on the streets of New York City.
  7. Seize Your Moments: If you’re tired of being bombarded by cynical news about the worst of humanity, take a moment to refresh with these inspirational stories from around the world.
  8. The Good Cards: Instead of going on a meaningless goose chase for Pokémon Go, try a game that encourages you to practice a good deed, one card at a time.

Other Ideas?

What are your favorite ways to cultivate empathy in the digital age? We’d love to hear your ideas.

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Rushing Through the Day

Slammed!

Posted by Chris Cook on
 January 16, 2018
  ·  No Comments

Three years ago, I published a blog titled Too Busy? I was reminded of this as I got the notice from SOREDI that Slammed: Succeeding in a World of Too Busy author and friend Randy Harrington was the featured speaker at the upcoming 2018 Southern Oregon Business Conference. The blog still rings true, and I am delighted to revisit it along with Randy’s fantastic book.

Here’s what I wrote in 2014:

How did you answer the last time someone asked, “How are you?” I’ll bet it was something like:

  • Oh, I’m slammed!
  • I’m so busy!
  • Crazed!
  • Buried!

Recently a colleague told me she was “doing a trapeze act until the monster project is finished.” The week before, she was “wrapping up a gargantuan project.” Sounds impressive, but what does that even mean?

It seems that people have confused their own busyness with importance, value or worth. If I’m this busy, I must be in demand. I must have a thriving business. I must be very successful.

Think about the perception that your busyness creates for others. Have you created a personal brand as a very, very busy person? What does this mean? When I think “busy,” I think harried, rushing, frantic—and probably not necessarily effective or of great quality. More Tasmanian Devil and less effective leader or loving family member.

The sad thing is this perception of busyness is harming how we connect and how we interact with one another—both with colleagues and with family and friends. We forget to make time for important things like mentoring a new professional (they wouldn’t dream of asking for help from such a busy person). Or we may miss an invitation to a niece’s piano recital or basketball game because everyone knows “Aunt Chrissy is too busy.”

We have a choice in how we perceive and how we show up in the world.

I have chosen NOT to be busy busy busy. I prefer to think of myself as happily making my way toward my personal and professional goals. I take time for things that need time. I savor. I enjoy every moment that I can. I am grateful.

While I may have as many time challenges as the next person, I choose to represent myself (and think of myself) as a happy person who is in control of my life and not being run ragged by myriad demands and pressures. Ask me how I am, and chances are I’ll answer, “I’m great.”

Slammed

In Slammed: Succeeding in a World of Too Busy, Randy and coauthor Carmen E. Voillequé provide solid advice on reframing your “slammed-ness.” Below is an excerpt from the book.

We have to start thinking about where we are today and at the same time where we want to be tomorrow. If we can fence off the triage work in our minds for a moment, what does that give us permission to dream of for a new future? This act should be fun. It should feel like a breath of fresh air. It should be motivational.

Here’s a short list to get you started:

  1. Schedule exercise, meal prep time, yoga using your Outlook or smart phone calendar right alongside your meetings and conference calls, and try color-coding them to stand out. This will elevate health to the same level of importance of “worky-work.”
  2. Stop competing with other people for who has the most stress; just stop having those conversations. It really is that simple (ok, yes, but not easy!). And when people do complain about too much stress from being Slammed, make it an all stop moment where a solution will have to be found.
  3. Encourage and learn from others who seem to have figured out how to align time to their values and not the other way around. Rather than feeling a sense of judgment or jealousy, ask them to be your mentor in learning to avoid the trap of task saturation.
  4. Explore your artistic side. Any kind. Anywhere. It doesn’t have to be the next Picasso—even a quick doodle on your meeting agenda can be a source of inspiration! Art helps everything. Go see it. Make it. Read it. Doesn’t matter. Feed that part of your soul regularly.
  5. Include all development work as an accomplishment/goal in your professional growth. Don’t shy away from the fact that you are committing to be more healthy, happy, engaged and productive.

Most importantly, the way we talk about being busy has to change. “I am Slammed” is no longer in your vocabulary!

It’s time to change your vocabulary and how you approach your situation. Start with a positive mindset. As happiness guru Shawn Achor likes to point out, people get happiness backwards. Getting that monster project done will not make you happy—but your being happy will get that project done faster and better. It’s called the happiness advantage, and you can get it!

If you are looking to change how you approach your situation and be more positive, you are in luck. Research shows that we can rewire our brains at any point in our life. It comes with intention and practice, and it is absolutely doable. Let me know if you would like a free coaching session to get started.

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Couple Gazing into Each Other's Eyes over Coffee

Improve Your Relationships in Just 1 Second

Posted by Chris Cook on
 December 18, 2017
  ·  No Comments

Hello.

  1. Do you see me?
  2. Do you care that I’m here?
  3. Am I enough for you, or do you need me to be better in some way?
  4. Can I tell I’m special to you by the way you look at me?

At this time of year as many of us come together to celebrate our beliefs, the need for human connection seems even more acute. Last month, a friend posted on Facebook a link to an article I found especially poignant. I shared the article with my Emotional Intelligence class as we explored how to be in meaningful relationships.

In How to Change Your Life in One Second Flat, Katherine Schafler argues that we are always asking these four questions of everyone in our midst—everyone we have relationships with—from strangers at the grocery store to our romantic partners.

She says these questions are rarely verbalized, and neither are the answers. They are asked unconsciously and answered with actions, not words. Schafler notes that Maya Angelou is the one who first spoke about these four questions (although Schafler doesn’t cite her source). It makes sense though, as Angelou is also credited with saying, “I’ve learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.”

Think about it. How do you feel when a stranger compliments you while in line at the grocery store? How do you feel when your partner doesn’t look up from their phone when you walk into the room?

The takeaway for me is to remember to be fully present with people and to appreciate them for who they are. All it takes is a split second to “see” someone, and that makes all the difference.

Happy holidays to you and yours!

Blog Emotional Intelligence Relationships Self-Development
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