Author Archive for Chris Cook – Page 9

What Is in the Mirror?

This week, students in my Working with Emotional Intelligence class were asked to stretch their self-awareness even further by noticing annoying behaviors in others—and then looking for the same behavior in themselves. Are you curious to see what it brings up for you?

Assignment: You may notice certain people or situations impact you more intensely than others. For example, a particular person’s behavior may be irritating to you while it does not impact others. Or you may find yourself in awe of a specific trait or behavior others don’t even notice. Why do you react to certain people and situations and not others?

Carl Jung first introduced this concept, known as the Shadow. The Shadow is understood to be parts of ourselves that are unacknowledged or disassociated with our conscious mind. We are either not consciously aware of them or we submerge or deny them. According to Jungian theory, we project these unclaimed aspects of ourselves on others. As we project a certain undesirable behavior on another, we react to that person or situation with much more intensity and “charge” than when we respond to events that are not projections. According to Jung, the human being deals with the reality of the shadow in four ways: denial, projection, integration and/or transmutation.

This understanding gives us a golden opportunity to explore those shadows. As we become more aware of our emotions and the corresponding reactions, we have a chance for more inner reflection by shining the mirror on ourselves.

For example, if I become angry with a colleague who is not accountable for her mistakes yet claims the credit for accomplishments regardless of whom was involved, I can shine the mirror back on me and ask, “Where am I not being accountable for my actions, and are there times I take all the credit when rightfully it needs to be shared?” I understand it is important to talk to my colleague about my experience with her actions; however, I will be more grounded and not as charged with irritation and anger after I reflect on when and how I have done the same thing. This also promotes more compassion. My dialogue and interaction with this person will be more positive and most likely heard with openness instead of defensiveness and will have an influence on future behavior.

When we find ourselves reacting to certain people or situations, we can shine the mirror back on ourselves. During this week, take the time to learn about your reactions and ask, “What is in the mirror? What would cause a person to act in this manner that is irritating or upsetting? What characteristics, traits or belief systems does that person reflect in this behavior?” Then look for where it is in you. You have an opportunity to find those disowned parts of yourself, either positive or negative.

Be Aware: Start from the Inside . . .

Winter Meditation in Snow with Tree

Are you aware of how you feel and how you respond to those feelings? We can go through our day on automatic pilot, which works fine for tasks that do not require thought such as brushing our teeth or taking a shower.

There are times, however, when being mindless about situations causes us to react instead of respond in a proactive manner. If we get an email or call that angers or upsets us, do we stop to think about the emotion, where it came from and how to respond in a way that results in beneficial outcomes? Or do we unconsciously react in a manner that undermines and/or sabotages relationships with self or others?

This is an assignment for master’s students in my Working with Emotional Intelligence class. The first step toward developing emotional intelligence is to become self-aware. When we are aware of how we are feeling inside, we are more likely to consciously choose a response rather than reacting without thinking about the results of our actions.

I ask my students to take time to be aware of how they feel in situations and why. Recognize their emotions and the effects of those emotions.

Here are some questions you can ask yourself:

  • What am I feeling right now?
  • What has caused me to feel this way?
  • What are the thoughts that follow that emotion?
  • How does that thought align or not align with my values?
  • Have I experienced this before?
  • What can I change to bring the thoughts more into alignment with my values?

I invite you to try this: target a problem situation and increase your awareness about the emotions, thoughts and reactions regarding the problem. You do not have to do anything different during this time—simply be aware of how you are feeling, what is causing those feelings and how they correspond with your core values. Remember, this is the time of self-awareness; you do not have to fix anything—just be aware, starting from the inside.

Make the Connection for a Happier Life

Wizard of Oz: Scarecrow Dorothy and Tin Man

One of the key predictors of happiness is connectivity—feeling a sense of community. Some of us find our community with work colleagues. Others find it among a circle of friends outside work. In this new economy, many of us find ourselves relocating or perhaps working in an unfamiliar industry where we are establishing a new sense of community.

Last week I attended the Southern Oregon Regional Economic Development Inc. (SOREDI) Business Conference, and a colleague commented that I seemed to know everybody there. Well, I didn’t, but it occurred to me that I did know quite a few people. And it made me feel happy. I like people and like to create connections. Some of these connections have developed into full-fledged friendships. Others have created solid ties in business arenas where I can be helpful to others—like being an advisor to entrepreneurs through SOREDI’s TAG Team (Technical Advisory Group) and the Sustainable Valley Technology Group (SVTG) Board of Mentors. I feel a connection with Southern Oregon, its people and its businesses, and this has a noticeable effect on my happiness and well-being.

Try it for yourself! See what you notice. Here are a few places you might find connections:

  • Service organizations like Rotary, Lions and Soroptimist
  • Fundraising events such as Taste of Ashland, JPR Wine Tasting and Best of Britt
  • Chambers of Commerce and other pro-business organizations like SOREDI and SVTG
  • Your health club
  • Places of worship
  • Classes—academic and enrichment
  • Clubs focused on something you’re passionate about, like running, beer-tasting, cooking, skiing, wine appreciation, hiking, gardening, books …

Another way I have found to make connections is through social media such as LinkedIn and Facebook (Capiche). I’ve made some remarkable contacts through both social media channels and maintain them online and in person.

Blogging is another way to connect with people. You don’t get the one-to-one contact, but you are keeping your name and brand front and center. I am always delighted by the readers who acknowledge me as a colleague or subject matter expert. Reading my blog gives them a sense of knowing me, and sometimes that’s all it takes to spark a connection.

Making connections is critical to a person’s happiness and sense of well-being. Please share your ideas on creating connections by commenting on my blog. The stronger our connectedness, the stronger our community—and the greater our collective happiness.


The 5 Ways to Well-Being

(thanks to social economist Nic Marks for this research)

The five ways to well-being are a set of positive actions that have been developed to help people get started on their way to a happier life. While we all have different circumstances and different likes and dislikes, these five ways are broad enough for you to find your own style of happiness. Try them out at work and in your daily life. See how well they work for you and tell us how effective they are!

Connect …

With the people around you. With family, friends, colleagues and neighbors. At home, work, school or in your local community. Think of these as the cornerstones of your life and invest time in developing them. Building these connections will support and enrich you every day.

Be active …

Go for a walk or run. Step outside. Cycle. Play a game. Garden. Dance. Exercising makes you feel good. Most importantly, discover a physical activity you enjoy and that suits your level of mobility and fitness.

Take notice …

Be curious. Catch sight of the beautiful. Remark on the unusual. Notice the changing seasons. Savor the moment, whether you are walking to work, eating lunch or talking to friends. Be aware of the world around you and what you are feeling. Reflecting on your experiences will help you appreciate what matters to you.

Keep learning …

Try something new. Rediscover an old interest. Sign up for that course. Take on a different responsibility at work. Fix a bike. Learn to play an instrument or how to cook your favorite food. Set a challenge you will enjoy achieving. Learning new things will make you more confident as well as being fun.

Give …

Do something nice for a friend or a stranger. Thank someone. Smile. Volunteer your time. Join a community group. Look out, as well as in. Seeing yourself, and your happiness, linked to the wider community can be incredibly rewarding and creates connections with the people around you.

Think You’ve Got Your Marketing Ducks in a Row?

Marketing Ducks

Lessons in Branding Across Industries

If you were close to my place at Christmas, you would have heard a big whoop of joy as I learned Cracker Barrel was pulling Duck Dynasty items from its shelves—not because of the backlash from Phil Robertson’s anti-gay and racially charged comments. I was elated because Cracker Barrel said the comments were incongruent with company values. What a terrific display of a company living its brand. “We operate within the ideals of fairness, mutual respect and equal treatment of all people. These ideals are the core of our corporate culture.”

Their values and ideals were not just words on a page but the barometer for all business decisions. That’s how an organization needs to operate to authentically live its brand. Imagine my disappointment when the 625-location chain announced one day later they were keeping the merchandise because of customer outcry. They lost my business on principle. They weren’t true to their brand—how could I trust them to be true to me?

Defining your organization’s brand—the sum parts of its values, vision and passion—is critical for your organization to do its work with integrity. And what’s an organization without integrity?

Defining your brand enables your organization to do business in a way that is congruent with expectations—yours and your customer’s. A well-defined brand enables your organization to authentically present itself to the world and your clients.

You don’t hire an ad agency to “make up” your brand; you unearth it. It’s what you are made of—your DNA. Once you’ve defined your brand, you can put words, colors, fonts, logos, photos and text to it. That’s where most organizations stop. To have a successful brand, you need to take the next step: live it.

How does one live their organization’s brand? First, base every business decision on the brand values, vision and purpose. Cracker Barrel had good intentions but then caved in to financial pressures. Fortunately, most brands aren’t tested in the wake of public scandal. Most brands quietly serve their company values, vision and purpose.

It’s easy to live your brand when you’re a Mom and Pop business because you are your brand. As organizations grow, defining and living one’s brand must become intentional.

Culture guru and Zappos.com CEO Tony Hsieh learned this the hard way. While building his former company, LinkExchange, he and his coworkers were on top of the world. They were having a ball at work—every day. Yet as the company grew, Hsieh wasn’t hiring people with the same values, vision and passion. The brand and experience of work was compromised. After selling to Microsoft for $265 million, he vowed to stop chasing money and start chasing passion—which is where the über-successful Zappos comes in. Zappos operates within its company values. Sometimes that means making decisions that aren’t money-making. For example, Hsieh moved the company’s headquarters to Las Vegas and invested more than $300 million of his own money to revitalize downtown—in keeping with the value of “Embrace and drive change.”

What if you aren’t a billionaire with a multibillion-dollar company? Can you still define and live an authentic brand? YES. It happens in every industry in every region. Organizations are catching on to the benefits—both intrinsic and financial—of standing firm in vision, values and purpose.

Salt Lake City architectural firm CRSA’s mission is to create “designs that enrich lives and create community.” Principal Fran Pruyn says, “We attempt to create a culture of great people, great places, great practice. This means we have a firm culture that enriches lives and creates community.”

Centerville, Utah’s Ascent Construction considers its brand the external perception of its internal culture. Cynthia Remine of business development says, “Our brand has evolved in the past few years to a more relationship-based culture and is less financially focused. We learned that if you focus on the core aspects of building better relationships, financial success naturally follows, as does a more fulfilled and balanced personal and professional life.”

I’d call this is the gold standard for professional services firms. Nothing fancy, outrageous, or difficult—but clearly not the norm.

What makes your organization’s brand unique? How do you embody it? Encourage your team to live it? Contact me at 541.601.0114 or chris@capiche.us. I’m collecting examples of brands in action. Tell me about yours.

How to Avoid “Blue Monday”

Dancing in the Rain with Umbrella

Feeling a little down? Unmotivated? Think you need to do something about it? You’re not alone. Every January, we’re subjected to a pseudoscientific study in the national news known as “Blue Monday.” It started in 2005 when Cardiff University psychologist Cliff Arnall devised a formula he claimed would reveal the most depressing day of the year.

Arnall created a mash-up of timely topics such as bleak weather conditions (he’s from the UK), personal debt, time since Christmas and time since failing in our New Year’s resolutions. And since it also was his premise that we all hate Mondays (because of work), Arnall decided the most depressing day should crop up on the third Monday of January or thereabouts. That’s January 20 this year.

I challenge you to beat Blue Monday.

Start by stepping back and looking at those promises you made—those New Year’s resolutions. Do they sound a lot like, “I will lose weight,” “I will go to the gym more,” “I will drink less” or “I will spend less?”

Rainbow UmbrellaWhat if you reframed these resolutions and created intentions? It’s a well-proven fact that you get more of what you focus on, so why not focus on what you want instead of what you don’t want? Oh, and don’t try to do everything at once. Give yourself the opportunity to focus on one change at a time. Small wins add up.

For example, “I wiIl create more personal health starting with a more nutritious diet,” or “I will learn new ways to enjoy increasing my fitness, starting with a Zumba class two times a week.” This strategy sets you up with a powerful offense and relieves the need to rely on willpower. Set your intentions. Strengthen your offense. Create the space for what you want more of and celebrate the small wins.

By the way, in 2008, Arnall flipped the equation and deemed June 20 the happiest day of the year. He measured time outdoors and outdoor activity, connection with nature, socialization with neighbors and friends, positive childhood memories, warm temperatures and eminent holidays.

I’m more inclined to get behind the logic of this day and live it fully—after having realized some of my New Year’s intentions.

What Do You Expect from Your Job?

Our Values and Culture, Wegmans

Really? Is this a valid question?

The business world is changing along with our expectations. More than ever, we are looking to work for an organization with vision and values that align with our own. We are seeking a sense of purpose in what we do and how we do it.

Think about your own work. What really matters to you? Why do you do what you do?

I think it all boils down to happiness and a sense of wellbeing. Start with a question like, “Why do you do what you do?” You may get the answer, “Because I like to help people [fill in the blank].” Then ask, “Why do you like to help people [fill in the blank]?” And keep asking, keep drilling down. I bet you will finally get to an answer that sounds something like, “Because it makes me happy.” Yep. People do what they do in pursuit of happiness.

But what makes people happy? What feeds a state of wellbeing?

In his book Flourish, positive psychology’s grandfather Marty Seligman states that it’s the combination of positive emotion, engagement, relationships, meaning and achievement. Sounds reasonable.

But wait. It’s health, wealth, relationships, happiness and meaning, according to bestselling author and executive coach Marshall Goldsmith. Yeah, that sounds reasonable, too.

And Zappos CEO Tony Hsieh says it’s a combination of perceived control, perceived progress, connectedness and having a sense of vision and meaning in one’s work—being a part of something bigger than oneself. I can get on board with that as well.

The good news is that in the last several years, we’ve seen more and more examples of businesses of all shapes and sizes taking employee wellbeing and happiness into account—even putting it front and center. And they’re not all progressive tech giants like Google, Apple or Facebook. Happy companies are everywhere and every size.

Just look at Fortune’s Top Companies to Work For 2013. I’ll admit I’m proud to say little old Wegmans Food Markets is at position number five. I say I’m proud because Wegman’s was started in Rochester, NY, where I hail from. And while it’s not a Mom and Pop store anymore, it maintains that quality while offering an astounding shopping experience. For me, one of the best parts about visiting “home” is getting to grocery shop at “Weggies.”

What’s so great about Weggies? According to Fortune, “Turnover is an exceptionally low 3.6% at the Northeastern grocery chain, which lets employees reward one another with gift cards for good service. Many workers like it there so much they bring in relatives—one in five employees are related.” And the story goes that when Cher was in town for a concert, part of her VIP treatment included an exclusive visit to Wegman’s.

What about your work makes you happy? What helps you flourish? What inspires your creativity and fuels your desire to give a little more? Please let us know—reply to this blog! We will all benefit.

How Can You Fuel Success and Performance?

Before Happiness: Research on Happy Workplaces

Every time I think the notion of “happiness” in the business world is just not taking hold, I am encouraged by new research that again points to the benefits of a happy workplace. Who can argue with increased performance, more creativity, better teamwork, higher levels of innovation, better customer service, less turnover and minimal sick leave?

To be clear, I define a happy workplace as having a fair, collaborative, open, innovative culture. It’s a place where people feel as though they can achieve their potential.

The latest research I’m referring to comes from Before Happiness, a new book from Happiness Advantage bestselling author Shawn Achor. Below are a few examples.

The Predictors of Success Assessment

In his 2007 study of 1,600 adults, Achor found there was a 0.7 correlation between perceived social support and happiness. (That’s greater than the correlation between smoking and cancer.) Following up on this data, Shawn developed three 10-question metrics that are even more predictive than previous measures for work optimism, provision of social support and positive stress management. Individuals high on provision of social support are 10 times more engaged at work and have a 40% higher likelihood of promotion over the next four years.

“Stress as Enhancing” Mindset

In partnership with Yale and UBS, this study used a three-minute video to teach employees how to view stress as enhancing—creating a 23% drop in fatigue-related health problems (headaches, backaches, fatigue) six weeks later. A one-hour training was conducted to deepen the learning. This additional training resulted in a longer duration of the “stress is enhancing” mindset.

The Happiness Dividend

In the midst of the 2009 tax season, Achor conducted a three-hour intervention describing how to reap the happiness advantage by creating a positive habit for 50% of the KPMG tax managers in New York and New Jersey. Four months later, the optimism, life satisfaction and job satisfaction of these tax managers were retested, revealing significantly elevated levels compared to the control group that had received no training. These tax managers’ reported levels of happiness moved from 22 to 27 on a 35-point scale, a 24% improvement in job and life satisfaction. This is one of the first long-term return-on-investment studies proving that happiness leads to long-term quantifiable positive change.

Achor has successfully shown us how to create a better life using three key factors: 1) how much social support we build into our lives, 2) whether we view stress as a challenge rather than a threat and 3) where we choose to focus our attention. The real beauty here is these tactics create positive outcomes not just for individuals but also within organizations of all kinds.

Capiche specializes in helping individuals, teams and organizations create an environment in which people are happy, achieve high levels of performance and create value every day. Call 541.601.0114 or email Chris to see how she can help you and your organization optimize strengths and boost performance.

Watch Shawn’s TED Talk:

“The goal of science is turning observation into prediction. The goal of business is turning prediction into profit. Thus good science means great business. If you can quantify predictors of success, it’s like adding GPS to your company as it navigates new terrain.” —Shawn Achor

Chris Cook Head Shot

About the Author

Chris Cook, CPCC, ACC

President & CEO, Capiche

Chris believes an organization with shared values and vision inspires passion and purpose in its entire workforce, creating an engaging, productive and positive environment. She helps organizations make a cultural shift that embodies these ideals, giving rise to happy customers, inspired employees and increased company profits. With 26 years of experience in marketing professional services and higher education, Chris has turned her focus to helping organizations define and live their brand. She is dedicated to leadership coaching, organizational development and marketing—with a keen focus on the importance of happiness in the workplace and positive psychology. A partner with Delivering Happiness at Work, Chris is accredited by the iOpener Institute for People and Performance, is a certified professional coach and holds a master in management. She serves as a mentor for the Sustainable Valley Technology Group and is a member of SOREDI’s TAG Team. Chris also serves on the Mt. Ashland Association Board of Directors and the Thrive Board of Directors. A volunteer with Soroptimist’s Strong Girls Strong Women program, she is an avid telemark skier and hiker.

Leaders, Listen Up!

Leaders Listen Up

Human connection is critical for a person’s health and development, starting at infancy and continuing into the workplace. Relationships with colleagues and with the boss matter for creating a workplace where employees come to work ready to contribute and be their best.

We live in a time when we are nearly always “connected.” According to the Pew Research Center*, 75% of people under 30 own a smart phone—and 61% of all working people own one.

So what’s the problem? A Blanchard Companies* survey found that 81% of workers say their leaders don’t listen and 82% say they don’t provide appropriate feedback.

Only 34% of workers meet with their boss once a week, and 28% rarely or never discuss future goals with their boss. Yet 70% wish they did. And 64% of workers want to use meeting time with their boss to solve problems, but 19% report they rarely or never do.

Sixty-four percent of workers say they wish they could talk to their boss about problems with colleagues, but only 8% actually do.

There’s a song playing in my head as I write this. It’s “Communication Breakdown” by Led Zeppelin:

Communication breakdown, it’s always the same.

I’m having a nervous breakdown, drive me insane!

The bottom line is workers who feel connected with their colleagues and leader are more likely to feel good about their jobs, and workers who feel connected to their leaders are more likely to remain in their jobs and bring their A game.

What kind of leader are you?

Sources

*The Pew Research Center Internet & American Life Project, June 2013
**The Ken Blanchard Companies’ Employee Work Passion Survey 2013

What’s Holding You Back from Reaching Your Potential?

Woman Aiming at Archery Target

How to Find a Coach Who’s the Right Fit

Do you have a goal you want to reach by the end of the year—either career-related or personal? Is there something you want to improve or change between now and then?

What’s holding you back? Where are you stuck? Why haven’t you been successful in the past? Have you ever considered working with a coach?

You may wonder who exactly seeks out a coach … it’s winners who want even more out of life.

Finding the right coach may not be as momentous a decision as choosing your life partner, but it’s not far off.

As with any close relationship, there has to be harmony. Kindred spirits inspire, but they can also hold you back. You’re not looking for a friend. Or a superior. You want an equal whom you respect and who respects you.

The right coach will connect with you at a profound level while also applying gentle pressure, like the grit that polishes the pearl.

Recommendations from colleagues are dandy, but one person may like sneakers while another prefers combat boots. You have to find the best fit for you. Who’s going to help you climb that mountain?

Do your research and find out what kind of a coach you want. A life coach? A leadership coach? A co-active coach? Are your aspirations professional, personal, or both?

Explore the websites of coaches in your area and see whose philosophy, personality, and attitude resonate with you. Narrow your list down to a few finalists and schedule a free consultation.

When you meet with a prospective coach, pay attention to how you behave and feel. You may find yourself sharing things you’d never expected to tell a stranger during a first meeting. You need someone you can be completely honest with. If you quickly develop a rapport, there’s a good likelihood you’ll be able to establish a relationship of mutual trust.

The coach’s questions may elicit new realizations about your career or life trajectory. Did you come away from that first meeting inspired, with a clearer vision of what to aim for and how to get there? A coach should help you clarify your goals while also equipping you with the tools to reach them.

In Your Executive Coaching Solution, Joan Kofodimos says a good coach will do the following:

1.         Strike a balance between supporting and challenging you

2.         Help create feedback loops with colleagues

3.         Assist with clarifying your true strengths, values and purpose

4.         Provide structure in the development process

5.         Broaden your perspectives

6.         Teach concepts and skills

7.         Maintain confidentiality

8.         Influence how others view you

Keep these tips in mind as you evaluate coaches and try to listen equally to your heart and your head. Ultimately, you’re looking for the person who’s going to push you to greater heights—and depths.

As you seek a coach who is right for you, give me a chance to interview for the position. In celebration of my newly minted coaching certification by the International Coaches Federation and The Coaches Training Institute, I am offering a special discount on a three-month coaching package.

Not sure if coaching is for you? Check out my coaching services for free. In your complimentary 30-minute session, I guarantee you will design action toward the change you desire.  I will help you become clearer on what you want, develop action plans, stay committed to your goals and live intentionally.

As your coach, I will hold you accountable—and that’s a good thing because statistics show people who are coached are seven times more likely to follow through on their plans.

Call 541.601.0114 or email me today to schedule your free coaching sample session and to learn more about how coaching will change your life.

This Is for All the Lonely Leaders: Why Partner with an Executive Coach

John Wooden Coaching Kareem-Abdul Jabbar


“A coach is someone who can give correction without causing resentment.” —John Wooden


Think back on your life. As you were growing up, who nudged you toward greatness? Who gave you gentle support while simultaneously challenging you to grow, to stretch? Who offered a candid perspective you could always trust, a wisdom that inspired? Perhaps it was a family member, a teacher … or a coach. Whoever it was, your life is forever changed because of their influence.

What about today? Who fulfills that role for you now that you’re an adult, a leader? So many of us make the mistake of leaving mentors and coaches behind at college. We’re leaders now, not apprentices. Why would we need a coach?

Google CEO Eric Schmidt has an answer: “Every famous athlete, every famous performer has somebody who’s a coach. Somebody who can watch what they’re doing and say, ‘Is that what you really meant?’” He continues, “They can give you perspective. One thing people are never good at is seeing themselves as others see them. A coach really will help.” Watch this video to hear more:

 

Even (and perhaps especially) leaders can arrive at a point in their lives when they begin to stagnate, when they stop pursuing their deeper hopes and passions. They may be denying their core desires or may have lost sight of their original dreams.

John Wooden Playing BasketballWe all know it’s lonely at the top. Who can a leader confide in? Talk frankly with? Trust? My answer: a coach. An executive coach can meet you at the crossroads between mediocrity and greatness, emptiness and fulfillment. A coach can hold a mirror to illuminate your strengths and deepen your self-awareness. A coach can help you find meaning and happiness along your path toward personal fulfillment and—by holding you accountable—help you stick to that path.

The natural state of being for humans is a state of inertia—a place where nothing changes, no real progress or growth is attained. Not good enough for you? Are you ready to take the next step? Do you want to take your “pretty good life”—one that’s an 8 out of 10—to a 12 or even a 14? Are you willing to engage with someone who’s going to tell you the truth, no matter how difficult it is to hear? Who will help you uncover your naturally creative and resourceful self? If so, it’s time for you to discover the magic in coaching.

Check it out for free. In a 30-minute sample coaching session via phone, Chris guarantees you will begin to design action toward the change you desire. See Leadership Coaching to find out what coaching can do for you. Contact Chris at 541.601.0114 or chris@capiche.us for your free 30-minute sample.

Note: This is an updated version of my earlier post What a Leadership Coach Can Do for You.